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Saturday 23 November, 2024
Saturday 23 November, 2024
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11 essential facts of life for people who don't drink coffee
1. Fellow adults regard you with a degree of suspicion when you say you don’t like coffee
You can feel them judging you with their eyes.
2. You’re regularly asked questions like, “How do you even survive?”
And treated to tales of how they “actually couldn’t cope” without coffee.
3. People often try to convince you that you’ve simply been drinking the wrong coffee
“Oh, you’ve only drank instant coffee? See, that’s where you’re going wrong. I guarantee if you have a Nespresso, you’ll never go back.”
Nope, I’m grand, thanks.
4. You don’t know the difference between a cappuccino and a macchiato, and frankly, you couldn’t give two shites
5. But you do occasionally find yourself unable to participate in conversations in the work kitchen
Person #1: Oh my God, I’m so wrecked. I’m going to need three coffees this morning.
Person #2: Saaaaame, I don’t know how people live without coffee.
You: *makes tea in silence*
6. You don’t really relate to half the internet
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7. If this is what coffee does to people, you don’t want any part of it
Tea drinkers would never be this intense.
8. Going on a coffee run for someone else is extremely stressful
“Can I have a… grande… latte?”
Seriously, this is all Greek to you.
9. To say nothing of trying to use a coffee machine
*fumbles for a few minutes with French press before giving up and offering to make tea instead*
10. You’ve been known to have a hot chocolate on particularly wintry mornings
Sure, it may be only 9.45am, but you deserve hot drinks like everyone else.
11. But hey — think of all the money you save by not drinking coffee
Who’s feeling smug now?
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